Say Something Baby
by Echante
Summary: What if, Addison never left New York after she caught Mark cheating on her?


A/N: Shonda says that next season is about Addison finding happiness. Is it bad that I don't want her to be happy? I just want her with Mark. The song is "Say Something" by Timbaland and Drake and I'm in love with it... so yeah.

_This shit was all I knew: you and me only…_

The ocean is black at night; the water holds a seducing darkness. The wind whips unexpectedly and the water seeps through the cracks of the docks. She gasps as the cold slaps against her feet and winces when her mind tries to flash back to the events that destroyed her. Mark's breathe steaming in her ear, the all too wide smile on her face as she forced herself to salvage the happiness. Derek walked in later that night. Fast-forward two months and three days: Mark posed over a Peds nurse, her legs in the air around him.

She stoops to pull her arms through the sleeves of her shirt and slip her pants down over her hips. She shivers and poses herself above the edge of the water closing her eyes to prepare for the jump. She pulls in a deep breath and shakes herself, and then…

"There are sharks in there you know."

She stumbles into the darkness and her heartbeat thuds in her ears. _Thump thump. Thump thump._ She allows herself to drift aimlessly for awhile, she can feel the pressure building up in her chest and her eyes flutter open. A light streams in from the direction of the moon. Suddenly, a shadow lords over it. The next thing she knows, two arms wrap around her, pulling her upward, urging her to live.

He drags her back onto the shore and pulls his soaking shirt off before he wraps his arms around her. "Fuck," he says, mostly to himself, "You were going to kill yourself weren't you. You were going to die."

Addison shakes violently in his arms and he grips her closer, terrified. She whimpers.

"Don't Addy, please don't," his warm, wet tears mix into her hair, "Please stay. I didn't mean for this to happen. I didn't mean for it to be this way."

She allows herself one final stutter, "Ma..ark?" She grips his bicep weakly and he turns her in his arms so she is facing him, kissing her on the forehead desperately and whispering, "What babe? What is it?"

"I'm… I'm pregnant." She says, she passes out to his choking cries and the last thing she hears before the night takes her, is the panicked pleas from her lover, "I love you," he sobs, "I love you Addison. I do. I do."

_I gave it all for you, still you were lonely…_

She awakes to the streaming sun and a numbing squeeze in her hands. Mark's face is buried in his arm next to her chest and his hand wrapped around hers. She gently pries his fingers off one by one and sits up, groaning when her head pounds relentlessly.

Mark shakes himself awake suddenly, popping up so quickly that Addison jumps a bit in her place. "HI." She says softly, staring at a swirl in her comforter.

He looks up at her clearly worried but unsure of how to start the conversation, "Addy…" he hesitates and rubs against the back of his neck, "Addy are you pregnant?"

She closes her eyes and shakes her head back and forth, willing the tears to go away. "I was." She says finally.

His eyes shut as hers open and she draws a shaky breathe. "What do you mean?" He asks.

"I miscarried a few days ago…" the edges of pain return and rip away at her soul, "the day I caught… the day you… you know."

He slumps and his chin falls into his arms and he winces, "I'm sorry Addy."

She looks away, "It's okay." She tells him, "I think you should leave."

He looks visibly frightened by this suggestion and for a moment, she thinks he's going to beg her to allow him to stay. He doesn't but his voice breaks when he answers with, "Please Addy. Don't do this."

"I think it's best that we don't see each other for a while." She's staying cold. It's her only defense.

And now he is begging, "Addy, I love you, I'm sorry, I fucked up. Please, let me help you. You can't be here by yourself. Please Addison, please."

He looks so broken that she allows him to stay but glares when he tries to kiss her gratefully, "You and me Mark, together, is not going to happen ever again. This is the end game. You can stay for awhile, until you get used to the idea but then you'll have to leave. I can't stand being around you. I trusted you and you destroyed me so… I guess you have to understand. You've done good things for me but I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself."

She knows that he's going to cry, or at least crumple but she turns away. She feels him rise two minutes later and the door shuts behind him. It isn't until then, that she cries.

_We could work it out…_

She taps her pen against the white counter, the beat crescendos until a strong grip steadies her arm.

"Are you going to get a divorce?" He asks, back to his smirking self.

"If I was, I wouldn't tell you."

"Addison…" he tries to begin but she walks away, he skips a few steps to catch her.

"I don't want to talk to you."

"We can be friends right? Just friends, I promise… nothing else. I won't try a thing." She stops in her tracks because it hurts, her stomach is empty; she is empty. It hurts that he doesn't want her anymore. It hurts that she's getting divorced.

"Mark," she says slowly, trying to sound annoyed instead of tired, "I don't think I can handle being your friend."

"Oh." He looks disappointed, "Oh okay…" his eyes are drawn downward, "I'll see you around then, I guess." She watches him leave as he walks the other way and then shakes herself. She has a job to do. It's all she has left.

_How can something familiar seem so strange?_

She hates that she's here. This isn't where she's supposed to be, she hates when he kisses her and touches her but the burn is better than numbness and Derek faxed the papers the other day. She hates it when he looks at her. Sometimes it seems like he can see her soul.

His breathe is hot against her ear and she struggles to keep her eyes open but they close against her will.

Later, when they sit side by side watching the television, he asks the question, without emotion: "Is this what it's going to be like?"

She rolls onto her stomach and sighs, "Like what?"

"I want to talk to you Addison. I miss you so much. I miss _you._ Not the fucking sex."

She reaches to her purse and grabs a lighter and a cigarette and pops it into her mouth, "This isn't about what you want."

"Right. This is about you. Sorry. I forgot."

"I thought this was what you wanted."

"You thought wrong."

"Well I'm sorry," the smoke swirls in front of her and Mark leans over her naked body to grab at the box of cigarettes.

"I didn't know you smoked."

"I haven't for a long time. Derek thought it was gross."

"Yeah, he was always the good kid."

"Pissed me off a lot. I don't know what to do Mark. He's gone. You're gone. Everything is falling apart."

"Addison, I can change. I'm sorry about that, about what happened but I can. I will change."

She laughs and shakes her head, "You know, you were the first one who ever saw me? I'm not Addison Forbes Montgomery, I am Addy, and you named me, you found me. I hate this person Mark. You made her. She the person I was in high school. The jocks used to tease me because I was ugly and insecure and awkward as hell. Derek never saw Addy. Savy, Naomi, Sam, Weiss, none of them ever saw Addy. But you walked into that room, the first day we met, and you saw me. I don't know how but you did. I hate what you see Mark. For a minute I thought you could love that me. That the old me wasn't half bad because you're the jock, you played football in college, I thought, since you could love me for me, without the pretension, then maybe she wasn't… maybe I wasn't half bad. But you hurt me instead and now I can't trust you."

She turns her face back to the television as Mark stares straight ahead, flicking ashes onto her bed. She doesn't bother reprimanding him. She doesn't care.

_I hate the way you fell apart girl, it's sad to see…_

"Well, I would say that behind your rugged and confident exterior, you're self destructive and self loathing to an almost pathological degree."

Mark licks his lips and runs his fingers against his mustache, "Wow doc. Great. Thanks. That helps."

"That's my professional diagnosis."

"Well that doesn't help!" He slaps his fist on the doctor's desk and takes a step back, "A complete waste of money, you're not a doctor, you're a con artist."

"You need help!" The psychologist yells to his retreating figure.

"Go fuck yourself doc," is the last thing he says before he leaves.

He storms over to the brownstone that Addison and Derek used to share and rings violently on the doorbell. When the door doesn't open he begins pounding on it, finally, the light on the porch turns on.

"What do you want?" Addison asks him as he stares at her, lipstick smeared, hair tossed about wildly.

He punches the wall, "Am I interrupting something Addison?" He says, malice tainting his voice, "Because really, you called me the whore."

"Addison! Who is it?" A voice rings out from the depths of the apartment; she closes the door behind her.

"Don't you dare call me a whore." She hisses, "I have no obligations to you. I am not cheating on anyone."

"Where were you last night? Who were you sleeping with?"

"Mark!" She shouts, pulling at his arm and leading him into the garden, "You don't want me, you've made it pretty clear. You sleep with like a hundred girls a day; you parade them in front of me. I don't know what else to tell you except, I'm tired."

"Addison?" A man emerges from the doorway and makes his way to the two of them, "Is everything okay?"

She sighs, "Carter, I think you should go."

Mark blinked rapidly at the retreating man and she sighs, "I know," she says as he spins to make an accusation.

"He looks exactly like me." He says after her.

"I know," she repeats again, looking away.

"Addison?" He questions, she stares into her hands and fondles her fingers.

"I miss you okay?" And now she's crying, "I miss you so much, and I can't trust you. But you were… you were so good to me, I believed in love for the second time so I was trying to find you. He wasn't even like you at all, he was rough, and he was nasty. When you hold me, I think you love me. Why can't you love me? Why can't you?"

He doesn't know what to say, instead, he brings her into his arms and allows her to cry against his chest. When the last waves of sobs fade, he places a finger under her chin and tilts her head to his, kissing her softly. "I love you Addison. That's all I have to say, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to prove it."

"Take me home," she says, "That's all I need, I just need you."

His burly arms take her up the steps and into the brownstone. It isn't perfect, they're both flawed but somehow, she can believe again. That, in itself, is improvement.


End file.
